5.26.22
I can’t stop thinking about Uvalde.
Literally minutes after my own second grader ran me to the iron bars to boast her newly accomplished flip trick, I learned 19 kids her age were killed in the classroom.
And how helpless am I that all I can do is countlessly say “why?”
Why have shootings been normalized enough that only “mass” shootings become breaking news? Why does the US even have the term “mass shootings?” Why is it still easy for anybody to grab and use a gun after mass shootings have happened over and over and over again? Why has nothing changed since Sandy Hook? Why are there people convinced that a sentence from an 18th century document is more important than the lives of 7 year old kids? Why can’t anybody do anything about everything? Why, why, why.
I see the US’ chaos 13 hours and 11,000 km away which further adds to the helplessness I’ve carried since Tuesday. And what’s worse is its invisibility to this little rural Japanese town…it doesn’t feel real, only like a horrid nightmare, because myself and the other ALT are the only ones aware of this happening. For everyone else here, a shooting is just a completely unknown concept and their biggest worry is the updated trash categorization system. If “shooting” is not even a realized word here, how and why does it happen regularly in the country I call home?
Surrendering to these thoughts has been, and will continue to be, a process. And I think such a process calls for me to focus on moments that have brought light to my Thursday. So, I’d like to record them here to remind me the privilege of living in a place teaching me that life is filled with as much good as it is filled with suffering.
- A 4th grader told me his favorite vegetables are potatoes and potato fries.
- My neighbor handed me this huge box of freshly harvested soramame (fava beans) which I’m going to redistribute to friends and coworkers
- I helped the school nurse plant cosmos flowers in the garden
- Yamato-san and I will go firefly watching this Sunday evening!
- A 2nd grader was picking weeds with me (all kids are expected to weed the school yard for 15 minutes after recess) and proudly told me his handful will be feed for his pandas
- A 3rd grader told me that according to researchers, all fruits are actually vegetables and all vegetables are fruits. This was followed by him teaching me watermelons grow underground, and thus are vegetables
- My 1st graders ended our lesson by sharing one reflection they had of the class, and the comments ranged from “English class was MECCHA TANOSHII (VERY FUN)” “I learned how to say 11 and 12 today!” “We all worked very hard and had fun learning English” “We didn’t know much at first, but after English class we all worked hard to learn something new” :,)
- I was told my face looked like a tomato after I attempted to do the monkey bars
- My school lunch was freakin’ lit–a pickled cabbage/cucumber/carrot/fish salad, a clear soup with this deep umami flavor and so much seaweed, and steaming rice with a scrambled egg/tuna topping
- I saw the most adorable picture of my friend doing her homework while her family’s new kitten was so cozily sleeping in her jacket.
- Ma-chan made me dinner today after I went over to deliver her gifts…she then fed me more joy with her accounts of today’s funny customers and with her voluminous guffaws.
- Ma-chan’s dog An-chan gave me a standing double high-five (though of course, in exchange for a treat)
- I started my day video-chatting my best friend Adri and am ending my day seeing the process of mine and my best friend Leo’s art project
- Father Ronald video-called me and not only understood my so-so-ness, but didn’t fail to make me laugh despite how apathetic I was throughout the call
What’s crazy is that this list is just from today, and there are still so many more smoll bright spots I could list from yesterday and the day before, and the day before that…
Of course these moments can’t replace the darkness from the shootings--I think it’s vital not to hide, but to recognize the pain rooted in these events. Yet, I also think it’s okay for me to disallow such darkness from erasing the hints of hope, light and good that I am gifted with everyday.
PS Here are two sites related to Everytown, a solid group fighting for gun safety, if interested:
- https://www.everytown.org/
- https://momsdemandaction.org/
- Also this one is a really good collection of resources: https://library.ship.edu/c.php?g=21651&p=126895
Lastly, here are some pictures that carry moments of light and comfort:
a quiet Sunday morning
sleepy cat greeting
commute blooms
running into onions
fresh olive & dry tomato bread
sky speaks for itself
dinner with ingredients all from less than 15 min away
this morning's froggo friend!
my lit lunch from today
Ma-chan surprise dinner :,)
handmade maki at the river
